Sutton Valence Indoor Hockey Tournament

10o'clock on a misty November morning and players began drifting in like wraiths, for the start of SV's "annual" indoor tournament, many of them a mere shadow of their usual selves- although this was mostly down to Stevo's birthday extravaganza the night before having taken its toll. And so it was that 6 teams of bleary-eyed men and fresh-faced youngsters, with a strong contingent of Cranbrook School lads and lasses (mustered by the "under-the-weather" Clayton) lined up for the much-anticipated festival of champagne hockey.

The pool games began, under the watchful eye of Lyndon Davies supported by his team of able deputies, Iain Simmons and Paul Linaker, with an outstanding display of showmanship from Team SpiderMonkey, who stripped off the suits they had arrived in, to reveal their Superman outfits beneath. With a start like this, their hockey had much to live up to, but the massed ranks of spectators in the viewing gallery (at least those who weren't still comatose from the night before) were not to be disappointed as they put on a strong display throughout the day. Their high standard of hockey was matched by that of the perennial MacMole representation, this year sporting an impressive contingent of McVarishes, the side looking well-organised in defence and well-drilled at the short corner; Andrew "back post" Lee in particular displaying a knack for the indoor game. There were also notable individual performances on the day by Chris "I'm not a musketeer, it's Movember" Johnson, who battled through the first day (of 3!) of his hangover to find unprecedented effectiveness with his twirl manoeuvre, Tom "I'm not a one-trick pony. In fact I've got two tricks. They're just both the same" Willson and Angus McVarish (bagging a goal despite being the youngest player on the day) and good team play from the Jeffs, who displayed strong passing hockey throughout the day and were unfortunate not to have reaped greater rewards for their fine work.

The pool games came to a close with  the Supermen on top, set to face Team Lewis in the first semi-final, who had ground-out a series of close results and finished fourth in the table- benefitting from the appearance, albeit fleeting, of Stevo himself and the sterling work of Turnill in midfield. Team Lewis made good use of a late transfer window to sign up Clayton and one of his minions, having lost Stevo to his hangover, Steve "back in the fold" Lynam to injury and Turnstile to far more aesthetically pleasing company. The second semi was an altogether more incestuous affair, pitting 2nd placed MacMole against their alter egos MoleMac. Both matches ended level and the ensuing penalty flicks, the highlight of which was Tonto's "watch and learn" comment (before his miss), decided the Final line-up of MoleMac against Team Lewis. The latter's gritty performance in the Final yielded a result in a closely-contested and, at some points, bruising encounter (although this was largely down either to the players' astro shoes losing grip on the indoor surface or an invisible sniper in the viewing gallery).

And so it was that all concerned retired to Gary's for a beer and a burger, to look for the erstwhile Ian "who?" Fraser and nurse their wounds- this reporter is still aching.


Overall Winners: Team Lewis
Best Dressed Team: The SpiderMonkey Supermen
Player of the tournament: Andrew "Sonic" Lee
Drag-flicker of the tournament: Chris "Where did that come from?" Johnson

Tip of the day: wear trainers next time, not astros (Lewis, TW) or loafers (Fred)

Thanks: the organisers for all their hard work, Gary for his hospitality, SV school for the excellent facilities and the umpires for their dedication

See you next year!